Firstly, let me just state for the record that it was the Poles who invented goulash and not some mythical Hungarian cowboys! I mean really, the sort of sensationalist garbage that you read on the net these days... they're just vying for your attention you know?... you just can't believe a word of it! You don't just add water to some dried meat and expect it to be edible. Maybe that's what the Hungarian's do (where the hell did these guys come from again?) but trust me that's not what makes a great goulash and you won't find any of that sort of rubbish in Poland that's for sure! And just on the topic of great things, it further needs to be said that all of the best of European culture, food, art, science, architecture, and even BEER god damn it! all decends from the Slavs, who in turn descend from the Poles (look they all speak Polish I tell you!) and thus all of it is Polish!!!
Given these facts it should come as no surprise that it was with a profound sence of awe and anticipation that we crossed over from the once Polish provence of Slovakia, across the Tatry mountains into the Polish mountaineering town of Zakopane. Despite not agreeing with my father stating in Val that we should have gone skiing in Zakopane (he said this just before he was confronted with the prospect of having to come down the Face de Belevarde... which made him turn and interesting shade of white... not that I would have done that to him in anycase) we were nonetheless delighted with the energy and beauty of this place. Here we went on a hike through the picturesque valley of Koscieliska, enjoyed the 'olde Polish' traditions of the 'Gurale' or 'mountain people' and ate the best pierogi I have ever had - sorry Mum. (If at this point you haven't had pierogi I suggest you adjurn to consult your local Polish delicatessen as you really have been missing out... pierogi are these dumplings filled with either, meat, cheese, cabbage, berries, sweet cheese, etc and are some of the most delicious food you can have... we had so many varieties in so many places in Poland that it would take a whole other blog to list them all!)
Anyway, following an hour long pitstop along the way (resulting from the exhaust falling off the A5 mobile for a second time... nothing that was really any trouble for the Polish backyardy that we managed to find), we moved onto the once Polish capital of Krakow. In typical Goulasz fashion, with no booking, nor any idea of where we were going to stay, we negotiated detours, road closures, swarms of people and three hostel rejections before settling in the Jewish quarter/nightclub district of Kazimierz in the centre of town. Now, I know it had been 12 years since I had last been to Krakow but we were quite taken aback by the reception that we had received upon entering this town. We only held onto the notion that hundreds of thousands of people, one of Europe's largest every open-air discos on the Vistula River and fireworks were all in our honour but it was a nice thought while it lasted. We enjoyed many of the Wianki festivities of that Saturday night (which were in celebration of Krakow's 750 year anniversary), as well as the vibrant night life of this beautiful place.
We next visited one of the oldest and largest active salt mines in the world of Wieliczka, before making a pilgrimage to Czestochowa... where in German occupied Poland one Peter Hans Heinrich Stamm was born... not that I have any issue with that whatsoever!! Then, reaching 'ludicrous' speed at times (ref the movie Spaceballs) we made our way to my birth town of Wroclaw where my family had been expecting us in true wog-relo fashion for dinner at 4pm sharp. Having not left Czestochowa until arround 5pm (some 250km away) this was clearly proving to be a difficult situation to manage... there's just no empathy from these relos I tell you... guess they hadn't seen anyone from the outside world since our last pilgrimage back to the 'old country'. :) And making matters worse than arriving at 8:30pm was me asserting that we were staying for only 2 nights... which was responded to with "what sort of hospitality is this?... you should be staying for 2 months". We ended up extending our stay in Wroclaw for one more night - it seemed like the decent thing to do :o). We did however thoroughly enjoy visiting Wroclaw, doing shots of Zubrowka with Uncle Szymon, hanging out with Karol and Aunt Zosia and going to places like the PRL Bar (Polska Rzeczypospolita Ludowa Bar or the People's Republic of Poland Bar) where since shortly after the fall of communism the Poles have been taking the piss out of this bygone era in a happening central Wroclaw nightclub.
Passing north through the Capital Warszawa (which I'm not even going to talk about really - this place of a population of 2 million isn't really worth mentioning relative to other much cooler places in Poland) was where we (and particularly Nic... she would kind of turn an interesting shade of white too), were introduced to the thrilling sport of '3rd lane overtaking'. Degressing for a second, it was a bunch of crazed, tobacco snorting Norwegians, with the cheek to take the mickey our of that slight twang of an accent of our's in a bar in Budapest, that introduced us to the theory that "flat countries were prone to being ruled by despots". Now, in response, while this may well have been true and even applicable to the Poles (the country had in fact been stricken off the map prior to WWI and really is the most unexciting flat that you've ever seen) prior to the advent of the motorcar, but let me reassure you that no nation full of so many white-knuckled psychopaths could be ruled by anyone!! I know some of you have accused me of being a little crazed behind the wheel. Some of you may well have refused to sit in the car with me driving. Art once had the gall to say "Konrad, you're giving me chest pains". But until you've seen a car, passing a car being passed by another car (while 3 others remain in waiting), on a two lane road with foot deep ruts and oncoming traffic you "ain't seen 'nothin'!!!" This is the sport of '3rd lane overtaking' or 'wyprzedzanie na trzeciego' :) And of all the things that the Poles can most be proud of being the best at perhaps it's the fact that this sport has ensured that they are number 1 in the world in terms of road toll per capita, only number 2 to Germany in overall roadtoll and 2nd only to Cyprus with regard to those who they say enjoy driving the fastest!!
We did partake of course, though also somehow managed to avoid becoming a statistic on our way to seeing my mate Arek in Gdynia. We fell into the ordered chaos that is Arek's life (please say something here mate) and thoroughly enjoyed spending time with him and his circle of friends. Let me add too that I don't think I've ever laughed so hard as we did when Nic and I each bought a pair of 4 euro 'sports shoes' from the local Tesco en route to the mudpit that was the Gdynia Open'er Festival... shoes were something you had to be willing to sacrifice in going there... we are on a budget... and you just had to have been there. :) Bloc Party, Beastie Boys (playing their "In sound from way out" Jazz set) and Bjork all rocked! As did the whole of our time in the 'Troj Miasto' or 3 cities of Gdynia, Sopot and Gdansk.
From Poland we went to visit what we both agree to be one of the coolest cities that we've experienced thus far in Europe; Berlin. Our Melbourne born, Modern History PhD student/tourguide (it was kind of a free tour) highlighted the juxtapositions (where have you ever seen that word thrown in for good measure... quality hey?) of East and West, new and old, ordered and chaotic, straight but edgy that make the city of Berlin what it is. Perhaps the fact that the place had a wall encircling the Western sectors during the Cold War makes so many parts of it so different, interesting and with their own uniqueness and energy. Very cool! Go there! We'll be coming back that's for sure!
Fact: 900 grams of pork knuckle or kolano takes 3 days to digest when you're blessed with an iron Polish digestive system. Any mere mortal may have not survived. (Ref title photo).
This was however a highlight of our visit to Prague. I mean it has to be without a doubt one of the most stunning cities anywhere in the world but it's completely overrun with tourists which tends to detract somewhat from it's appeal. Cesky Krumlov on the other hand was one of the most beautiful medieval towns we have ever seen.
So what's anything got to do with Mozart's Balls I hear you ask? Well, departing from Eastern (I mean Middle) Europe, with a 20 minute interogation session at the Czech/Austrian border (hey, there's nothing suspicious about a Polak and a German, speaking English and pretending to be Swiss!), we passed through Salzburg where these delightful little chocolates filled with marzipan and praline are all the rage. We spent a good part of the afternoon loitering around Salzburg and seeking out the best deal for Mozart's Balls (perhaps not surprisingly the best rate was subsequently found outside of Salzburg :)), before heading off to the beautiful Austrian Alps to meet up with an old English mate from Australia, John and his new wife Emma. Despite this poor excuse of a summer, meaning incessant showers and 10 - 13 degrees, we managed a hike involving a 700m vertical ascent, took in the Polish Festival that was being held there, and spent 3 days under the haze of a hangover. Thank you guys, we had a fantastic time and look forward to picking up where we left off in the UK.
We're currently camping on a farm in beautiful Languedoc, in France (by far our favorite country in Europe) and are about to head off to Barcelona for 3 days of partying with Mick and Bel, Dany and Clare, et al.
We look forward to blogging again before we arrive in London and finally have to wake up to the realities of life... lack of money :) 'Til then.
